Chains

Give me liberty
Or let my soul die

We as people
Are merely wild beings
Not meant to be bound

Untamed. Uncut. Beastly.
Overgrown. Lush. Earthly.
Not meant to be inhibited

These parts of us
Perfectly designed to remain uninhabited by other people
Bulldozing through our elaborate forests
Mass destruction to our essential nature
Telling us to be more simple
With every tree cut down
Telling us to thrive

Building corporate houses
On desolate surfaces
Which remain empty
Nothing left
To feed the greedy

_____________________________________

To hinder my independence
Is to cage me
Provide me nothing to quench my thirst
And watch my spirit dry up

I promise you
It will happen ever-so-quickly

So do not be fooled
By my seemingly hard character
I am no breaker of chains
No, these chains would break me

And you

To repress my will
To place restraints on my intensity
Is to throw salt to a flame
And expect some form of clarity

Stare too long at your beloved good deed
Of torching this foundation
Your eyes will crisp and bleed

Every shot at bringing morale to morality
Throwing salt to the flame
Further diminishing your ability to see

You couldn’t succeed
In being grounded within me
You also could not stand to watch me fly

Give me liberty
You’d rather witness my soul die

Rather watch me burn
Grasp onto your final fading hope
That any part of me
Any part of me at all
Burns for you

Waiting game
Tighten your chains
Every strike of the axe will burn
But is it burning me?

Seriously,
Is it?

_____________________________________

Do your chains burn?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You Try To…

Seek some form of right-mindedness or feeling of normalcy from binge watching a favorite tv show, New Girl is a definite no-go.


Depression is one hell of a roller coaster ride. Saturday came along, and I finally convinced myself to clean my house. Well, at least half-way cleaned my house. I started having a breakdown around 5pm, sobbed as I ate a 2 day old taco, not because I was hungry but because I just needed to eat something, bought three 24 oz cheap beers, downed them so I got a little drunk, and watched New Girl until I passed out next to my dog in her bed sometime between 9p and 11p.

My friend and roommate came home. I heard her rustling around and I woke up, puked in the toilet, cried to her about my dog’s possible IVDD until about 1am, all the while asking “who cries like this over a dog?” (I am very overwhelmed with all of the financial aspects of this that I cannot afford.) Then I went out and bought a frozen pizza, ate about a slice, canceled plans I had with my friend on Sunday, and went to sleep until 1:16p. I woke up, forced myself into the shower, wandered about the house in my underwear while I finished the rest of my pizza, and somehow managed to get dressed and get myself to work.

Today is Monday, and I managed to get out of bed at 11a. I am proud of myself for that. My friend cooked for me and made coffee, which I very much appreciate, and it helps out so much in times like this. The shower I took felt a little less forced than yesterday, which is good. I even feel like taking some vitamins today- fish oil and vitamin D, because maybe it’ll help… or at least maybe I can convince myself it’s helping.

Depression is one hell of a roller coaster ride. And I have this theory that my family is meant to falter, as if these overbearing mental health problems are in my bloodline, and we are all just set up to constantly fall on our asses. Never really obtaining our deepest wants or needs in life. Never making it to the top.

But I’ll get there…

I am getting there…

New Girl didn’t help solve any of my problems, but I woke up at 11a today.

Don’t Read It

All I want to do is create.
My passion,
I hope to use one day to ease this financial burden,
I didn’t ask for.
Although, this means so much more,
Than making a living.

My soul is crying out.
Pieces of me are dying,
Every day that I waste time NOT writing.

And this generation,
Said to be more self-centered than those that came before us.
We have the Renaissance.
The scientific revolution.
The age of enlightenment.
We have the signing of our constitution.
And yet another revolution.
Industrial.

That last one,
You must have learned about in high school.
But let’s not get too ancestral.
I know it’s easily forgotten,
When your mind is overflowing,
With the opinions of other men and women.

After all,
The key lies in modernization…

So what do we have now?
The social media era?

And what will come of all that has begun?

When all you have is 140 characters,
And if you say too much,
No one will want to read it.

Every word I write,
I fucking bleed it.
But if it ain’t a selfie,
A text from a fuckboy,
Or a cute cat video…
This generation doesn’t see it.
They don’t need it.

But my dreams will not be jaded.
This fire within me will never die.
An attempt to extinguish it,
Will leave me feeling suffocated.
So this hunger I have,
I must feed it.

And one day I’ll be able to say, “I made it.”
There’s no doubt about that,
It’s for this day I live,
And I WILL obtain it.

And half of those I know right now,
Will see my posts and probably scowl,
“This is too long, I won’t read it.”

 

*Side note: In case you were wondering, yes, “When your mind is overflowing with the opinions of other men and women” is totes stolen from Sherwood Anderson’s “his mind filled to overflowing with the words of other men.”

A few things:
1: I don’t normally do this sort of thing. (Ya know, plagiarize dead people.)
2: I just REALLY love the quote.
3: I don’t think he’ll mind…